Please ignore this post

[mindwave_21]

This was originally a question about multimeters, but it's in the wrong forum, and I've already decided on getting a DMM from SEARS.  Keep the forum up.  It's been a great help to everyone!

[Alex C]

Three men died and went to heaven. Upon their arrival, St. Peter asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. St. Peter told him that he could receive only a compact car to drive in heaven.

Then St. Peter asked the second man if he had been faithful to his wife and the man admitted to one affair. St. Peter told him he would be given a midsize car to drive.

The third man was asked about his faithfulness, and he told St. Peter he had been true to his wife until the day he died. St. Peter praised him and gave him a luxury car.

A week later the three men were driving around, and they all stopped at a red light. The men in the compact and midsize cars turned to see the man in the luxury car crying. They asked him what could possibly be the matter--after all, he was driving a luxury car.

"I just passed my wife," he told them, "and she was on a skateboard."

[runmikeyrun]

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

[runmikeyrun]

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.

Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

Once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.

The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

[runmikeyrun]

Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...

So they buried her.

[javacody]

OK, seafaring jokes, here's a little song I heard somewhere:

Cabin boy
oh cabin boy,
the dirty little nipper
lined his ass with broken glass
and circumsized the skipper.

[Nasse]

How many bassplayers is needed for changing a lightbulb?

Four. One changes the bulb and three points the spotlight to the guitar player

[MartyMart]

How many Bass players does it take to change a light bulb ?


None, the Keyboard player does it with his left hand !!


Whats the difference between a Keyboard player and the backing vocalist?

About a semi-tone  !!  


How do you get the Guitarist to turn down on stage ?


Hand him the sheet music !!


Marty.

[Jehle]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender looks at him with a puzzled look and asks, Isn't that a little uncomfortable?

And the pirate says, Yeah, it's drivin me nuts.

*ba dum tish*

[petemoore]

It was a Darrrk and stormy night, ...and the sailors were in their den.
 When the Captain said: "SIAM....tell us a tale"...so Siam began:
 It  was a darrrk and stormy night, ...and the sailors were in their den.
 When the Captain said: "SIAM...tell us a tale"...so Siam began:
     ]repeat as necessary{

[Heavner]

MY DIXIE WRECKED!

It helps if you say it out loud in front of a large crowd.

[mindwave_21]

Paging Barry Mc%^&*iner...
Funny...this post has the most views of all of the ones I've ever put up.
:lol:

[Jehle]

Now grab your ankles and spell "run".

[squidsquad]

A man is shipwreck on a deserted island.  There is plenty of fresh water, fruit & game...but he is lonely.  As he explores...he finds a flock of wild sheep on the far side of a mountain.  He decides since he is alone...he may as well *have his way* with one.  Before entry...out of nowhere comes a dog...yapping and snapping at him...spoiling the procedure.  Once the man leaves the sheep alone...the dog becomes his docile companion.  The next day...the man makes a leash and ties the dog up and goes around the mountain.  But before he can mount the sheep...the dog has bitten thru the leash and comes running, yapping & snapping at him again...ruining the moment.  The next day the man makes a cage for the dog & puts him in it. He goes around the mountain...but the dog digs under the cage and prevents the act once again.  The next day, a beautful blonde washes ashore...half drowned.  The man administers CPR...builds a fire...dries & warms her.
When she revives...she thanks the man for saving her life & offers to do anything in return. "ANYTHING?", asks the man.  "Yes" replies the woman.
So the man says,
"Would you please hold onto the dog & keep him occupied while I go to around the mountain for a bit?"
(don't hate me!) :roll:

[squidsquad]

How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One....he stands still...holding it...and the world revolves around him!
(I'll stop now)

[Paul Perry (Frostwave)]

A lone white missionary arrives on a Pacific island to convert the natives. Everything is OK until one day a white baby is born!
The Chief visits the missionary to ask what has been going on. Well it is pretty obvious what has been going on! but the missionary thinks quickly, and says:
"It is just nature's way, look at that flock of white sheep, every now and then, a black one is born!"

The Chief thinks.. then whispers to the missionary:
"OK, I won't tell, if you don't tell!.."

[Paul Marossy]

Gee, there's a lot of replies to a thread called "please ignore this post"...  :wink:

[RDV]

Hee Hee Hee!!

:twisted:

RDV